"When we love a person, we accept him or her exactly as is: the lovely with the unlovely, the strong with the fearful, the true mixed in with the facade, and of course, the only way we can do it is by accepting ourselves that way."
Fred Rogers
"Are you sure you won't come with us?" The sun was shining on Saturday and it was a glorious morning to take in our local outdoor Farmers' Market. My husband usually takes the girls on his own so that I can enjoy a couple of hours of much needed solitude, but this day was so lovely that he asked me to go along. I thought about it for a few seconds and said,
"No thanks honey, you go ahead." He looked disappointed so I tried to explain, "I really need this time; I haven't been on my own at all this week." His expression didn't change.
I knew what he was thinking. It was a beautiful day to be out together as a family and the market was a place where many of our friends went to socialize, buy great food and listen to music, as a family. Family-time was important. I started feeling the tiniest bit guilty, so I kept talking, more to convince myself than my husband. "It's the beginning of the weekend and if I have a little time to myself now, then we can do something all together later."
Big Daddy-O and I dressed the girls and before long I was delivering smooches and watching them walk to the car. I closed the door and heard my girlfriend's voice in my head saying, "Good for you for recognizing what you need." It was just what I needed to hear. I know myself well. My batteries get re-charged by spending time on my own, not by walking among crowds of people, and during this particular week I hadn't made time for myself.
So, what did I do with my two hours of solitude? I turned on some music, stripped all of the beds, (don't worry, it gets better,) threw the sheets in the laundry, then gave myself a little home-spa treatment. A leisurely lavender bubble-bath with a little exfoliating scrub, followed by a hot shower and some yummy, grapefruit moisturizing lotion. I felt like a new woman.
My little family arrived back at home and informed me of their adventures. My daughter told me I smelled good. My husband told me I looked good, then he listed all of the friends he had seen at the market. I don't think he was trying to make me feel badly for staying at home, but he wasn't exactly saying, "Good for you for recognizing what you need," either, which is why I had to say it to myself. I have a very strong network of family and friends and a wonderful husband, but I also have to be my own advocate. I need to treat myself as I would a treasured friend. By the way, treasured friends, I highly recommend a little home-spa from time to time!
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